Most of you reading this will remember when the WWE stood for something.
No, that’s not a pointed comment on how far they’ve moved from their professional wrestling roots: WWE literally used to stand for World Wrestling Entertainment, at least until April 7th 2011, when they announced that they would be rebranding yet again to just ‘WWE’.
Many of you will remember the rebranding exercise before that, when the WWF lost the tug of war over those initials to the panda, and changed the name of the company from the World Wrestling Federation. You’re those fans of the Attitude Era that the company keeps trying to court by hiring middle-aged men to waddle down to the ring at WrestleMania and emasculate talented contemporary stars.
Far fewer of you will recall the time before that: when the name changed from the World Wide Wrestling Federation, and the man most of the boys knew as Vinnie or Junior took over his father’s wrestling promotion with dreams of world domination clutched close to his trailer trash heart.
If all of that’s you, then congratulations: that’s a whole lot of wrestling trivia, minutiae, miscellanea, trifles and common or garden bullsh*t that we’re all privy to, as longtime fans and reluctant sucklers at the McTeat.
So here! Thirty little known facts about the WWE that you might - or might not - be aware of.
Let’s see how big your grapefruits are.
1. 'Mr. WrestleMania' Has WrestleMania Record Of 6-11
For years, even though he’s been retired for six of them, Shawn Michaels has been known as Mr. WrestleMania. It’s a name given to him by the WWE in testament to the fact that he regularly stole the show at the biggest, baddest show of them all
But then that’s not really the point, is it? Given that, within the context of its own storylines, the WWE is a legitimate fighting organisation on the same level at the UFC, within those storylines it shouldn’t matter how phenomenally entertaining the Heartbreak Kid could be at WrestleMania.
What matters is whether he won or not… and ‘Mr. WrestleMania’ made a habit of losing at the event he was nicknamed after.
Out of seventeen matches on the grandest stage of them all, Michaels only won six. That’s eleven matches he’s lost in front of the WWF/E’s biggest crowd: two thirds of the time, he’s come out to great fanfare, only to stare at the lights for someone the company felt was more important on that given day.
I hereby propose renaming the Second Greatest Wrestler Of All Time to ‘Mr. Suckfest’. Those can be the two words he has for you from now on.
2. DDP's First WrestleMania Appearance Was At 'Mania VI
After the purchase of WCW in 2001, Diamond Dallas Page - one of the homegrown stars of WWF’s competition - found himself signing a contract with the people he’d been at war with, and debuted on Monday Night RAW on June 18th, revealing himself to be the creepy heel who’d been stalking the Undertaker’s wife.
Sadly, Page’s contract was allowed to expire the following year when several nagging physical issues, his age and a neck injury combined to put him on the shelf: he only ever made it to one WrestleMania appearance, in a match against Christian at WrestleMania X8.
Or did he?
Actually, DDP had appeared a dozen years earlier at WrestleMania VI as well. The Honky Tonk Man and Greg Valentine were teaming as Rhythm & Blues, and Page ended up driving them to the ring in his pink Cadillac.
Those were the days before he’d decided to become a wrestler: he’d tried out for an announcer’s position with the WWF and been turned down, but his flamboyant ride definitely caught their attention.
3. Rob Van Dam Is The New Holder Of 'The Streak'
In 2014, an era came to an abrupt, anti-climactic end when Brock Lesnar pinned a concussed Undertaker at WrestleMania XXX, ending the Dead Man’s much-trumpeted winning Streak at WrestleMania.
Naturally, all thoughts turned to the next in line. Who else was undefeated at WrestleMania? Who was the true inheritor of the Streak: that monolith of a man who could never be broken, no matter what tsunamis crashed against him?
Apparently the answer was - and still is - cuddly cartoon tiger Rob Van Dam!
With four wins and no losses, the human plushie has lazily rolled and bounced his way to the head of the line when it comes to his win-loss record at WrestleMania.
4. WrestleMania XIX Main Event Is First Between Two Wrestlers Using Their Real Names
Given that professional wrestlers generally go by more codenames, pseudonyms, noms de guerre and nicknames than superheroes, spies and people hanging out with Sawyer on Lost, it’s perhaps not surprising that it took nineteen years before two men would wrestle in the main event under their real names.
That main event took place at WrestleMania XIX in March 2003, and featured Brock Lesnar vs Kurt Angle in a singles match for the WWE Championship.
The match featured a stipulation that Angle could lose the title if he was counted out or disqualified, thereby removing the champion’s advantage: a gimmick that Lesnar promptly rendered entirely unnecessary when he elected to give his opponent back that unfair edge by dropping himself on his own head.
Fortunately, Brock Lesnar is a stone golem animated by money and hate, and wasn’t permanently damaged in the mishap.
5. Hacksaw's 2X4 Was Inspired By Original 'Walking Tall' Movie
In 2004, The Rock appeared in an action movie called Walking Tall. In the movie, he played a former Marine who no longer used firearms, and was running for Sheriff of a small town beset by a corrupt and murderous casino owner.
Infamously, especially on all the posters, the character carried and used a two-by-four to cause some serious mayhem at the casino in question.
Funnily enough, in reality WWE Legend 'Hacksaw' Jim Duggan was inspired to carry a two-by-four to the ring as a prop after seeing the original Walking Tall, starring Joe Don Baker.
It’s unlikely that Baker or Johnson stomped around with a gonzo expression shouting ‘HEY-YO!’ though.
6. Carlito's Totally Uncool Evolution Record
Eldest son of Puerto Rico’s premier wrestling family, Carlos ‘Carly’ Colón worked in the WWE under the diminutive nickname ‘Carlito’ from 2003 to 2010, and was a mainstay of the middle of the midcard for the majority of that time.
Never taken entirely seriously as a performer by the company or their fans, Carlito didn’t distinguish himself from the pack. Despite this, he had probably the longest-running feud in the company’s history with the main event heel stable Evolution.
Kind of. At three consecutive Unforgiven pay-per-views, Carlito ended up facing a different member of Evolution, losing at every turn. He stared at the lights for Ric Flair in 2005 and Randy Orton in 2006, and was handily beaten up by Triple H at Unforgiven in 2007.
Sadly, Carlito never had the chance to take on Batista to complete the set. Who knows, maybe this time he’d have come out on to--- no, no. Big Dave would have turned him into broken biscuits and given him to the Girl Scouts to sell on street corners.
7. Shane McMahon Provided The 'Voice' Of Kai En Tai
In 2001, the WWF’s version of the Kai En Tai stable had been quietly dissolved when all of the villainous Orientals in the faction left the company, with the exception of Funaki and Taka Michinoku, who remained to form a comedic tag team under the same name.
Riffing off the cliched Hollywood practice of appalling overdubbing of kung fu movies, Kai En Tai would excitedly cut promos to a dead mic, while a deep, out-of-synch American voice would boom over the PA with the English dub of the promo.
Inevitably, Taka would end with the word ‘EEEEVIL!’, and Funaki would tack ‘INDEEEED!’ on the end.
A rarity for WWE comedy gimmicks, the bit was actually funny. Perhaps that’s because Shane McMahon came up with it rather than his father. What few people realised was that the hilariously over-the-top dubbed voice was Shane as well.
Eeeevil indeeeed.
8. WWE Wellness Policy Extends To Referees
The WWE’s Wellness Policy has remained in place with very few amendments for a decade now, having been instituted in February 2006 after the death of Eddie Guerrero in November 2005.
Everyone knows that the WWE roster are all supposedly subject to random testing for drugs, including both performance enhancing substances and recreational narcotics.
What many people don’t realise is that this extends to the referees as well.
In 2011, the WWE's longest serving referee Mike Chioda was suspended for thirty days for his first violation of the Wellness Policy. No mention has ever been made of what kind of naughty stuff he might have been caught taking, however.
Chioda returned to work without any further issues, and the matter’s never been raised since. Except for right now, obviously. By me.
Hi, Mike! *waves*
9. Nikki Bella Almost Became A Pro Soccer Player Before WWE
Despite Nikki Bella’s significant improvement as an in-ring performer over the last year or two, it’s still very much a fan tradition to mock the Bella twins.
Chiefly, that extends to their odd way of pronouncing perfectly ordinary words, and their sub-standard acting ability: so categorically godawful that you could put a sticker on their car and call it a disability.
Sneered at for years for being the epitome of the WWE’s drive to recruit long legs and pretty faces over actual female wrestling talent, it might come as a surprise to some that Nikki Bella has always been a driven competitor.
At college, she was a key part of the women’s soccer team, one so successful that they won the Pacific Conference Championship.
Nikki was actually in the process of being headhunted by an Italian pro soccer league when Brie persuaded her that using the twin thing to get themselves noticed to be WWE Divas was a better shout for the pair of them.
The rest is badly-acted history. Killer forearm smash on Nikki, though.
10. The Rock Originated The People's Eyebrow At The University Of Miami
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